從小被訓練「拒絕聽進去讚美」,只好踩在別人頭上來證明自己

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2016/11/02 第1790期  |  訂閱/退訂  |  看歷史報份  |  Mr.6

從小被訓練「拒絕聽進去讚美」,只好踩在別人頭上來證明自己

曾經我在學校帶一個活動,孩子表現得還不錯,我就馬上大聲「讚美」孩子。

然後旁邊的一位家長就說話了。

「你別讚美太多啦,」她說:「不然,他們會真的以為自己真的很棒。」

我愣了一下。

事後,我還特別跑去問這個家長。

因為我實在無法瞭解,孩子「以為自己很棒」到底是有哪裡不對?

以為自己很棒,是哪裡「弄」到這個家長了?

「當然不對啦!」這位家長堅定的回覆:「這樣,孩子們就會飛上了天,以為他們可以休息了,不必努力了。」

我實在無法接受。

「但是,如果孩子不認為自己很棒,怎麼會想要努力呢?」我問。

從小在國外受教育,對我們來說,一定要知道自己很棒,才會想努力,不然我再努力是要幹嘛的?如果我沒這麼棒,再努力也沒有用啊。

「很棒,就不會想競爭。」那位家長說:「不夠棒,才會想再『更棒』,『打敗』別人呀!」

打敗別人?

我終於懂了。

亞洲的教育,就是不斷的告訴大家自己「還不夠」─—不夠,不夠,還不夠,還差別人一點,所以要更努力,才能變得和別人一樣好,最後目標就是:打敗別人,取而代之。

而歐美的教育,是告訴大家「你自己已經很棒」,所以要更努力,就會變得更棒,本來是全校第一棒,慢慢的變全市第一棒,再變成全國第一棒,最後是全球第一棒!

說不定,從頭到尾都沒有打敗一個人,只是自己不斷的愈來愈棒。

全球只有他一個人做件事,而他就是做得很棒。全球第一棒!

這就是為什麼,歐美的孩子不一定要踩著別人的頭上往上爬,以鼓勵為核心的多元教育下,他們真的做到了「行行出狀元」。

這就是為什麼,我們台灣這邊的新教育一直無法推出真正的創新人才──台灣訓練的人才,是一群「無法接受讚美」的人才,多年來雖然已經沒有體罰,老師也都採取「不罵」,但「鼓勵」並沒有等比多了起來,來自大人的鼓勵總是刻意的「保留」了一大部份,深怕孩子因為鼓勵過頭而失去競爭意願,因此,從來沒有鼓勵到讓孩子真心覺得自己「真的很棒」。

甚至還不斷的告誡孩子,不要覺得自己很棒,自己還不夠、不夠、不夠。於是,孩子甚至「拒絕被讚美」──他只能看著一般的庸俗的「排行榜」,看看自己打敗了誰,得靠繼續不斷的打敗人、踩在別人頭上,當作目標,繼續努力。

然而,學校終究是會結束。

孩子終究需要要到一個開放式的大舞台去表演。

怎麼辦?畢業後,再也沒有人可以打敗,人生此後就走入平平庸庸,再也不知道如何勝利。

我發現,在台灣(亞洲)的職場也是這樣。只要我多了一點鼓勵,就會出現兩種狀況。一種是他就覺得他可以休息、不必努力。他的想法是,當你這個「裁判」都已經宣告他已經「贏」了,當然他就沒必要再繼續努力下去了。第二種就是懷疑我是否「另有企圖」,打算叫他做更多事。當我一再而再的告訴他,他甚至害怕他變得與眾不同,被排擠,於是還刻意「調降」他的工作效率。

「拒絕被讚美」的世代,還在繼續中。

現在,我們應該讓孩子學會如何被鼓勵。

好消息是,現在會講鼓勵話的人還不少,但,也要遇到懂得「聽」這些鼓勵的的孩子,才能真正善用「它」的力量!

(圖片來源:Hugo Pires link

 

「Mr.6」的本名為劉威麟,美國史丹佛電機、管理雙碩士,14歲移民加拿大,而後移居美國矽谷,互聯網經驗超過15年,出版12本書,返台後投入創業投資與網路產業,與在矽谷創業成功賣出公司的弟弟劉威廷共同經營「Mr.6行銷團隊」,繼續經營最愛的網路產業,助企業挑戰更高效益的網路解決方案,邀請Mr.6演講或授課請來信:help@mr6inc.com
 

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